Well hello again!
I’m back here later than planned , and not bringing any good news… Ever since I was a kid, the end of an year brought me a series of unfortunate events – I lost my father at age 8 around Christmas time, my grandmother got sick, I had a car crash few years ago …Could be other unremarkable incidents that I may not remember at this time.
Let’s stick to this year,2018.
After losing Killer, a 3.5 years old bunny ,in February , I finally felt ready again to make room in my heart for another soul. I found Blu in a shop – the minute I grabbed him from the cage with couple other bunnies, he was peaceful, not scared or agitated. I felt him mine, so I took him home. I was over the moon, until… On December 13th, I noticed he didn’t eat or eliminated anything that day. I decided to take him to the vet. The ultrasound and X-ray showed his insides – the diagnosis was G.I. stasis [ a deadly condition in most of the cases, in which the digestive systems slows down or completely shuts off, causing bloating and severe pains for the animal. Two days later, Blu was sent into surgery – the treatment didn’t had any effect on his system and couldn’t see any improvement.
The operation went well, he woke up, even though I could see the exhaustion on him. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, vets said he needs up to three days to make progress and start eating again by himself. During that time, I had to syringe feed him to make sure he doesn’t get worse and to stimulate his system. He lost a lot of weight in few days and got weaker every day… He wasn’t active anymore and always looking for a place to chill, and didn’t move for hours. I hit a level of despair and felt powerless, not knowing what to do to help even a bit, ease his pain in some way. Blu started to refuse even being syringe fed, and then I realised something is wrong again. On the 24th, I got back to the vets and the second X-ray showed a bigger blockage than the first one – this time it was already spreading toxins in his body. On the 26th, I decided to try one last option – another surgery. Before the surgery, I said goodbye and held him really tight in my arms , because I somehow knew it could be the last time I see him alive.
Despite that I was told he’s got a snowball’s chance in hell, I found hope again – vets called after the surgery telling me they managed to remove the blockage and he is waking up. I was a bit wary, because there were small chances of recovery, but also felt on cloud nine – he was so brave during this whole time and wanted to live so badly! Two hours later, before picking him up I got the call. He went into
cardiorespiratory stop and did not make it… Now, I turned to writing and share this story to get it off my system a bit – and yes, I’m still sharing some tears… I don’t seem to be able to find the right words to describe my feelings today, I am still overwhelmed with the situation, and I am really bad at coping with the pain… I am that kind of human that gets over-attached to a soul. Especially to a fragile creature, like rabbits, that don’t make sounds and they need so much attention and care. It hit me pretty hard this time..Maybe I’m getting more emotional as I get older – who knows? It was painful watching Blu’s light dimming little by little every day for the last two weeks… In the end, every cloud has a silver lining – he doesn’t feel the pain anymore. And one way or another, Blu will find his way back to me in another form.
I am patiently waiting because it’s been a trip… 2019, bring it on!
can’t get this off my head : “fuck you 2018”…
Happy New Year friends!